Mom. Dad. Roller Skates…OH MY!

So…a couple of posts ago was about a conversation that I had with my folks…specifically about what my Daddy wants for his 80th birthday.   My parents’ birthdays are December 14th (Mommy)  and December 15th (Daddy).    My Dad said simply that he would just like to breathe and my Mom said she wants to go Rollerskating….hmm. (see Breathe and Rollerskate)

Well….my Mom is now set on having a Roller Skating Birthday Party for her (she won’t let me tell that she is turning 76) birthday next month.  D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-E-D.   Like…she brings it up EVERYDAY.

This morning she bought it up again…and here we go:

MOM:  I really want to have a Roller-Skating party for my birthday.   I’ve talked to some buddies of mine.

ME:  Hmm… I really don’t think that is a good idea.

MOM:  Why?  I used to roller skate

ME:  Aunt Phyllis said she tried it a few years ago and she would NEVER do it again.  Kymmy said she went a couple of months ago and she fell down so many times that they asked her to leave the rink.

MOM:  Well…that’s them.  I can skate!

ME:  C’mon Mom, when was the last time you were on roller-skates?  We can do something else…your balance isn’t the best.

MOM:  I. CAN. DO. IT.   How about this?  I will do one lap around the rink.

ME:  (sigh)


DADDY:  Regan…let her do it!   You know she won’t let it go.

ME:  Yeah.

DADDY:  BUT…you will need to do something before you get to the rink.

ME:  Huh? What?

DADDY:  About 30 minutes before she starts her lap, call 9-1-1  Tell them that you will need them in about 30 minutes…be on standby.

ME: (giggling)

DADDY:  I’m serious.  Tell them that they will have a 76 year old woman who will need full treatment.  Tell them to bring everything they got!!!

MOM:  (pouting)

ME: (giggling harder)

DADDY:  Tell them they will need a stretcher, bandages, iodine…

ME: (iodine?)

DADDY:  band aids, an eye patch, mercurochrome, alcohol swabs…

ME:  (mercurochrome??)

DADDY:  gauze, a helmet, neck brace…

ME: (can’t contain myself)

MOM: (staring at him…right. at. him)

DADDY:  splints, crutches, a wheelchair…

ME:  (oh em gee…I can’t breathe)

DADDY:  knee brace, a cane, ear plugs…


DADDY:  Tylenol, Icy Hot, Ice packs…

ME: (tears are now rolling down my eyes)

MOM:  (side eye, rolling eyes, hands on hips)

DADDY:  Needle and thread and a defibrillator!!  I think that’s about it.

MOM:  SHUT UP MELVIN!!!!!  Ummm…but… don’t forget… a nurse!!!!

ME:  (head on table, tears rolling down my face, CRACKING UP!

*** Like I always say..I can’t make this mess up!!! ***

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