Pretzels, Bunnies and Chocolate…OH MY!!!

So, this morning, I am talking to my Mom. There is a bag of chocolate covered pretzels in the bed. And then…..

ME:  Mom, why do you have chocolate covered pretzels in the bed?

MOM:  Oh..those aren’t mine.

ME:  Ummmmm

MOM:  Gloria gave them to me…I’m not eating them.

ME:  Well…why is the top of the bag ripped open and half of them are gone?

MOM:  She gave them to me like that.

ME:  (Smirk)

MOM:  …and I have a chocolate covered bunny that stays under the bed. He likes chocolate covered pretzels.

ME:  (side eye)

MOM:  I let him come out sometimes…just to chat.

ME:  Are you still sleep?

MOM:  No…

ME:  I got a message from Aunt Phyllis…I need to catch up with her today.

MOM:  My sister is crazy as sh*t. I am beginning to wonder which of my sisters is the nuttiest!

ME:   Mom….you JUST said that you have a chocolate covered bunny who likes chocolate covered pretzels that lives under your bed. And…oh yeah.. that you occasionally chat with!    I think YOU ARE!!

The MRI and the Crooner

You gotta love it when you take your Dad to have a MRI (his 5th) and when he is finished, he wheeled out singing Luther Vandross.

MRI Tech:   Ms. Ford, your Dad is finished.

ME:  Thanks

MRI TECH:  He did really well.

ME:  (smiles)

*** I go into the room…wait for Dad. The MRI Tech wheels him out ***

DADDY:  Babygirl, I was listening to Luther!
(hands raised like he is about to croon)

ME:   Really? (smiling hard)

DADDY: Yeah…Luther Vandross.  I love me some Luther!
(makes the iconic do do do do doooo Luther sound)

DADDY: (singing, while being wheeled to the dressing room)
“A chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sittin’ there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home….”

I love how this Man has taught me to find joy during harsh moments

Mom. Dad. Roller Skates…OH MY!

So…a couple of posts ago was about a conversation that I had with my folks…specifically about what my Daddy wants for his 80th birthday.   My parents’ birthdays are December 14th (Mommy)  and December 15th (Daddy).    My Dad said simply that he would just like to breathe and my Mom said she wants to go Rollerskating….hmm. (see Breathe and Rollerskate)

Well….my Mom is now set on having a Roller Skating Birthday Party for her (she won’t let me tell that she is turning 76) birthday next month.  D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-E-D.   Like…she brings it up EVERYDAY.

This morning she bought it up again…and here we go:

MOM:  I really want to have a Roller-Skating party for my birthday.   I’ve talked to some buddies of mine.

ME:  Hmm… I really don’t think that is a good idea.

MOM:  Why?  I used to roller skate

ME:  Aunt Phyllis said she tried it a few years ago and she would NEVER do it again.  Kymmy said she went a couple of months ago and she fell down so many times that they asked her to leave the rink.

MOM:  Well…that’s them.  I can skate!

ME:  C’mon Mom, when was the last time you were on roller-skates?  We can do something else…your balance isn’t the best.

MOM:  I. CAN. DO. IT.   How about this?  I will do one lap around the rink.

ME:  (sigh)


DADDY:  Regan…let her do it!   You know she won’t let it go.

ME:  Yeah.

DADDY:  BUT…you will need to do something before you get to the rink.

ME:  Huh? What?

DADDY:  About 30 minutes before she starts her lap, call 9-1-1  Tell them that you will need them in about 30 minutes…be on standby.

ME: (giggling)

DADDY:  I’m serious.  Tell them that they will have a 76 year old woman who will need full treatment.  Tell them to bring everything they got!!!

MOM:  (pouting)

ME: (giggling harder)

DADDY:  Tell them they will need a stretcher, bandages, iodine…

ME: (iodine?)

DADDY:  band aids, an eye patch, mercurochrome, alcohol swabs…

ME:  (mercurochrome??)

DADDY:  gauze, a helmet, neck brace…

ME: (can’t contain myself)

MOM: (staring at him…right. at. him)

DADDY:  splints, crutches, a wheelchair…

ME:  (oh em gee…I can’t breathe)

DADDY:  knee brace, a cane, ear plugs…


DADDY:  Tylenol, Icy Hot, Ice packs…

ME: (tears are now rolling down my eyes)

MOM:  (side eye, rolling eyes, hands on hips)

DADDY:  Needle and thread and a defibrillator!!  I think that’s about it.

MOM:  SHUT UP MELVIN!!!!!  Ummm…but… don’t forget… a nurse!!!!

ME:  (head on table, tears rolling down my face, CRACKING UP!

*** Like I always say..I can’t make this mess up!!! ***