Help! Help! HELLLLLLLP!!!
I am out with my Mom. She is driving and is refusing to give up the keys. Why?? Because she wants to “drive Miss Regan today.” Awwww…Thanks Mom.
Well……..
Ummmmm….MOM…do you see the median???
Ummmmm….MOM…SLOW DOWN…thats a dump truck.
Ummmmm….MOM…WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
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I will have to finish this post when I finish white knuckling my seat belt!!
So…my Dad’s birthday is December 15 and my Mom’s birthday is December 14. This year my Dad turns 80 (sssshhhh my Mom isn’t too far behind him)!!!
Well…like I always say…I can’t make this up!!!
And here we go…..
Me: Daddy…you have a BIG birthday this year. What do you want to do?
Daddy: Nothing (giggle giggle)
Me: C’mon Daddy, give me some ideas.
(Meanwhile my Mom is trying to jump in…)
Mommy: I know what I wanna do for mine….I know…I know…
Me: Wait…Daddy has a big one…let him talk…lol
(Sometimes I feel like they are my kids…lol)
Me: OK…Daddy…really what do you want to do?
Daddy: Breathe
Me:(sigh..slight smile) Well…yeah…that will be nice.
(My Mom is bursting at the seams…raising her hand and everything)
Me: OK…OK… Mom….what do you want to do for your birthday?
Mom: Go ROLLERSKATING!!!!
Dad: (BLANK STARE)
Me:(lol) I’m going to work!!!
*** So…I guess I should purchase a full padded body suit, shin guards, elbow pads and helmet for my Mom ***
Sometimes I have moments when I don’t feel so tough. Actually, I feel pretty un-tough.
Sometimes I question, why? I do pretty well with separating the medical from the emotional. I know that my Dad has severe spinal stenosis. I know that this is something that will not get any better. I know, factually, that it will get worse. When my Dad had his last spinal surgery 4 years ago, the surgeon was very straightforward and let us know that this is not fixing the problem. It was only delaying its progress. Immobility.
A few months ago, I watched the Earl Campbell “A Football Life” (I love sports shows) episode. The scene opens with a view of the University of Texas with students walking, easily, to class. Then…there he is, Earl Campbell and his trainer in a golf cart on the University of Texas football field. They were there to practice walking. Here was this man with a very strong presence needing help to walk. Needing encouragement to put one foot in front of the other. Each step focused. The next step harder. Turning around even more difficult. I started crying. I had seen this before. I live with it everyday. I was glued to this episode. This scene was soooo familiar. I cried, quietly.
See…I will not cry in front of my Dad. OMG, that would make him feel terrible. Each day, I make a point to make my Dad smile. My Dad isn’t a big smiley person. Just like I will not cry in front of him, he would never show weakness in front of me. I know he is scared. He must be. He fights this every day. The struggle to stand. To sit. To walk. To step. The “delay” slowly creeping up. I ask my Dad if he is in pain. His answer is always “No, I don’t have pain, just numbness.”
I wish that there was more that I could do. I really wish that I could heal him. I pray HARD for my Daddy. I make plans. I think about what’s next. I research new technologies. Sometimes I am scared as shit. But then…I think about how we are as a family. This is not a traditional situation, but it is ours. Thankfully, we laugh…HARD!!! Thankfully, we seem to be able to find funny in tough stuff. Thankfully, my Dad is who he is…tough. So… I do have these moments. The sometimes of not feeling tough. The un-tough. The good thing is…they are only moments.
